PARENTS AND THEIR DUTIES
Parents the cause of their children's sins—The duty of bodily care and constant watchfulness—The need of a home—Attendance at Sunday Mass, and at the Catechism—Regularity at school—Children who have left school.
THERE is no anxiety that presses more painfully on a pastor at this present time than that which is caused by the behaviour of parents towards their children. Saint Alfonso, one of the greatest shepherds of souls that ever lived, said, of his own times, that there could be no doubt that, generally speaking, parents are the causes of the sins of their children. This is as true now as then; nay, it is still more certain, at the present day, than ever it has been in any other Christian age, that whatever there is of wickedness, of depravity, of religious indifference, in children, is owing to the neglect or the bad example of parents. The truth is, that in these modern days no one dares to step in between a parent and his child. There is an attempt made to force the child to some kind of secular school. There is also, it must be admitted, some provision made by recent legislation for re-moving a neglected child from the parents' keeping. But such police regulations as these can never suffice, of themselves, to make children good Christians; first, because they are never put in force till the mischief is in some degree done; and, secondly, because they leave out, almost entirely, the only remedy which can either cure a faulty child or keep a well-disposed one straight, that is, religious teaching, religious observance, and the Christian sacraments. As to these things, and nearly everything else, the parents are secure from all interference. They can spoil their children or starve them; they can have them instructed or leave them heathens; they can watch over them or let them run about the streets, and neither priest nor magistrate has anything to say, until some crying scandal puts the law in motion. And what can the law do, or what has it done?
The first duty of parents to their children is to feed and clothe them. Having before us the most painful fact, that in all our large towns there are scores and hundreds of children who run about in rags and dirt, and are visibly only half-fed, it is absolutely necessary to face the question—How far does this state of things lie at the door of the fathers and mothers of families? Poverty is a condition blessed by the words and example of Jesus Christ. But abject, criminal, and degraded poverty He neither blessed nor practised, because such poverty, far from helping men to draw nearer to God, makes the practice of religion almost impossible. Sometimes it has to be endured. It is too true that, in every country, in every generation, there has been, and are, such things as destitution and famine. These things are, beyond all doubt, as great a curse as pestilence and slavery; they cause people to lose their souls, and only a rare and heroic character here and there can make such scourges profitable to life everlasting. Is the sad and pitiable condition of so many children in Cardiff, Newport, Swansea, Merthyr, Dowlais, or Pontypool, a miserable necessity, or is it not? The slightest knowledge of the facts will show that it is not. Work and wages may be subject to uncertainty, and the hire of labour may not be munificent. But, making all allowances, it is certain that there is no working community in South Wales where there might not be a fair level of comfort and decency. Then why do we find so many dark spots on the map, where decency is a stranger and comfort is unknown? The answer is only too easy to give. It is because the wages are wasted and squandered in drink. It is because the hard-earned money that ought to keep a comfortable home is spent in a kind of self-indulgence which kills spiritual life, darkens and degrades physical life, and makes a mockery of the altar and the Gospel. If these words reach the ears of men and women who habitually yield to this fatal temptation, and yet who are not altogether reckless, let them put foremost among all the motives for reformation the duty that they owe to their children.
It is not only that the drunken parent—father or mother—robs tender and growing children of the food and the comfort which they must have, or else they grow up pale, stunted and diseased, listless at school, and ashamed to go to Church. It is that, besides starving them, they neglect to watch over and protect their morals. Protection! What kind of protection is to be looked for from selfish, besotted and passionate parents who are incapable for a large part of their waking hours of either affection or religious purpose, or even of rational ideas? Naturally, the unhappy children of such parents shirk the school, know nothing about the Church, and escape whenever they can from their miserable homes into the street. There they learn idleness, gambling, cheating, stealing, and every kind of blackguardism. There they qualify for the police-court, and too often for the goal and for penal servitude, or worse. There they forget their baptism, lose all sense of their holy religion, and contribute to swell that population of the vicious and the brutal which honest men have to protect themselves against. Parents can see that this is true. Every father and mother knows of cases where all this has been verified. Is it not a strong and appealing reason why every one with a spark of human feeling in his breast, should make a stern resolve to have no part in such a wrecking of God's creation, and be determined to resist the drink-passion?
And perhaps it may here be permitted to say, that it is not only the drinking parents who allow their children to run wild. Is it not true that we find this lamentable absence of care and supervision even among those who are more or less sober and decent? Children require a home, or their better nature never has a fair chance. They need kindness and affection; they require guidance, every hour, in things innumerable, none of which, perhaps, are, singly, of any great importance, but which, taken altogether, are the material out of which are formed their habits for life. Not only must they be guarded from the infection of bad example, and coarse language; not only must they be protected from cruelty and rough usage—but they must feel something of the purifying, elevating and improving effect of a quiet and a virtuous life. They must live with good people, or they will not be good; they must live with pious people, or they will never understand what piety means; they must live with upright and honest people, or they will not learn to value honour or honesty. That means, that unless their parents look after them, and unless their parents are good, honest, virtuous and religious, the children will never be what God intends them to be. They will be like precious flowers which ought to be kept in a sheltered garden, but which a fool takes and throws out on the roadside, to pine away and perish. Therefore all fathers and mothers are bound to have, and to keep up, some kind of a home, where their children may have a chance of growing up to be good Christians and respectable men and women; where the grace of their baptism may spread through their faculties and dispositions implanted in them by their Creator may strengthen and expand according to His holy will. If it be objected that a home of this kind is beyond the means of poor labouring people, the answer is, that it is not the means, but the will that is wanting. The wages of all working people ought to be sufficient to keep up a modest home; and in this country, with few exceptions, they are sufficient, if properly used. But the truth is that a large number of our people never put before themselves this view of the obligations of a parent. Many have a kind of vague idea that if they feed and clothe their children, send them to school, and perhaps to church, and scold or strike them when they misbehave, they have nothing further to answer for. But they make a lamentable mistake. Every parent is bound to form his or her child's mind, soul, and character, by word, by action, and by example. This responsibility no one can take off the parents' shoulders. The priest has his duties to the little ones of the flock, and so have the teachers, and the civil law; but none of them can relieve the parents of theirs. You will say that this is hard, and that many of you are poor, uneducated people, who cannot be expected to do much in the way of training a child. This brings us to what is, perhaps, the root of the matter. What right have men and women to marry who are so utterly unfit to have the care of children? Do not misunderstand. The poor are not expected to have learning, or plenty of time, or money in abundance. But no man or woman has a right to marry without being—or being determined to be—sober, industrious, and prudent; without being—or being determined to be—a good practical Catholic; and without being sufficiently instructed to know to what our holy religion binds us all, and what is meant by loving, serving, and obeying Almighty God. To marry in any other dispositions or condition is to run a risk of profaning the Sacrament of Matrimony, and of incurring the awful doom pronounced by our Lord on those who "give scandal to little ones." For assuredly such persons are utterly unfitted to deal with children, and will most likely so neglect, spoil, and even corrupt those whom God may give them, that their children will lose their immortal souls. It will be hard enough, in the day of judgment, to have to answer for our own souls—but God help those who, in that awful hour, have to answer for the souls of their children
Besides the responsibilities which parents have as regards the home and home-life, there are others, as you do not need to be reminded, connected with the Church and the School.
To speak first of the Church; it is often very painful to notice, that, of the children above seven years old—even of those who attend school—sometimes not more than half, or even a third, appear at Mass on the Sunday. Reasons may be given for this; but there can be no doubt that one chief reason
Lord. In the Church the Catechism is much more than Catechism; it is piety and devotion. It is consoling to see the grown-up people, the fathers and mothers of the faithful generally, attending the Sunday Catechism. When the priest speaks to the children, or asks them questions before everybody, the people learn too, and are reminded of many things that they would otherwise neglect and forget. And certainly every one who has children ought to feel happy and proud to see them standing up before the altar, repeating their prayers, and learning to love and serve God.
With regard to the School, it is not necessary, perhaps, to say over again, here, what every pastor has to say so often. The important thing, now, is to secure regular attendance, and poor people are not asked for any school fees. Parents, then, ought to be ashamed of themselves if they do not see that their children come to School regularly and in good time. We must all remember that the School is a very great anxiety to the priest of a mission. Things are better, no doubt, than they have been; that is to say, the situation would by this time have become simply intolerable. Even now, what with building, repairs, enlargements, more space, and larger play-grounds, the School in every mission makes large demands on the solicitude and the begging-power of the pastor. When, with all this, you find that parents are remiss and indifferent, and do not even take the trouble to make sure of their children walking in at the open door of a school which, if they had not got it, they would be bound to contribute their hard-earned money to provide—then, indeed, the priest feels inclined to despair of his people. Encourage and console your priests, dear children in Jesus Christ, by making the very best use of your excellent schools. In order that the little ones may be in time, and may never miss, the mother and the elder sisters must practise several virtues. They must be up in good time; they must be industrious and diligent in getting everything ready for the husband and the workers, and for the children them-selves; and they must be careful and economical, so that a proper breakfast may not be wanting, and the boys and girls may go off to their important duties with stomachs full and hearts encouraged—decent, clean, and happy. Homely words, my Brethren in Jesus Christ; but if we understand the spirit of the holy House of Nazareth, it is these homely cares that our Heavenly Father blesses. It is a sin to send a child to school without its breakfast. On the other hand, to make children happy and contented, until they are old enough to understand the uses of adversity, will not only ensure their greater love of school and its lessons, but will merit the loving re-ward of Him who regards all these things as done to Himself.
One further exhortation must be made in regard to School. Children attending school should not be worked. This does not mean that some kind of light employment may not be found for them, at least when afternoon school is over. What is here referred to is a certain cruel working of children from the early morning, and again in the midday interval, which not only sends them to school tired and listless, but breaks down their strength and prematurely wears them out. Parents who do this are slave-drivers rather than parents.
Besides their children of school age, it must not be forgotten that parents are responsible also for their boys and girls who have left school, and who may be in business or at work. It is this class—young people from fourteen to seventeen or eighteen—that are the trouble and the despair of priests. They are truly as sheep without a shepherd. But why are they so wild, and why is it so difficult to keep them to their religion, or even to keep them respectable? One chief reason is, that their fathers and mothers have not, from the beginning, made them love and respect them. A boy or girl who has only had a miserable home, and a drunken, dirty, or passionate father or mother, will escape as quickly as possible from having anything further to do with them. Still, no doubt even good parents will always find much difficulty with the young people of this age. How should they behave to them? They should set them good example; they should help them and advise them about work and employment; they should encourage them to come home; they should speak out to them when they misbehave, and correct, and even, with prudence, punish them; they should try to make them regular at Mass on Sundays; they should do their best to get them to the Sunday Catechism; they should endeavour to induce them to join a con-fraternity, or sodality, or guild, such as may be found in most parishes. In these matters, and in keeping them from learning to drink, to swear, to gamble, to idle, and to sin by impurity, neither father nor mother may be able to do much. But they must clearly understand that they have an obligation to their children as long as they are, or ought to be, under their charge—and what they can do, that they are bound to do.
From Bishop Hedley’s A Bishop and His Flock, written in 1909
